2020 Review Part 1

Another year is coming to an end, so I guess I ought to have a review, if only to see what good things happened as well as what not to do next year.

The Year of Covid

I’d love to think this was just one dreadful year but whoever is directing this nightmare isn’t about to stop for the foreseeable future. Such brazen lies and mind manipulating and so many falling for it.  I’ve posted the many discrepancies on social media and am not going into them again here, but there will undoubtedly be many further issues and erosions of our liberties to come.

Small businesses have been suffering greatly while global corporations have become ever wealthier.

And then the vaccine

Not one I will be rushing to get, not only because of my allergic reactions but also because none of them have been properly tested. And who sane believes that great medical guru, Bill Gates?

Brexit Talks

As the Big Date (31st December 2020) approaches, Brexit pro and con arguments are on the increase once more. As of this blog post, I do not know what to believe or whether the EU will still have some control over us. Thanks to the free entry of thousands of Islamic illegals, I trust no-one.

Islamic Illegals

This has been a doubly horrendous year for wave after wave of illegal Islamic migrants swanning in – while we Brits were either in lockdown or with controlled movements of some kind. Some are being put up in four and five star accommodation which those of us who are paying for them could ill afford. Don’t want to burst a blood vessel, so I am definitely not going into that again. Have tweeted quite enough already. And with suggestions – ie offshore detention ships.

The Great Reset

This big idea of Klaus Schwab of the World Economic Forum being pushed by everyone from the Pope to Prince Charles – except Trump – has made no secret of its plans. ‘You will own nothing and you will be happy’. Writing of this too is making my blood pressure rise – again.

Trump

I am not a fan of his style and manner, but something is seriously amiss with the US elections. Not only has very obvious fraud been committed but the various layers of justice including their highest Supreme Court keep dismissing their cases. It is about to either fizzle out or ramp up in such a big way that talk of civil war is not farfetched.

MSM

The mainstream media has shed all semblance of integrity and honesty in reporting. It isn’t even doing a good job of brainwashing – except for the serially demented (most of whom are on the left but, sadly re Covid and Trump, there are quite a few on the right as well).

Health

Surprisingly good. No hives but nasal flaking after eating the wrong things again (meaning stuff I love – cheese, nuts). Magnesium citrate has been excellent for keeping bloated tum to a minimum. Unfortunately, it has also made me horribly conscious of needing the loo a lot. And, sorry to be scatological, but bowel movements have been on the loose side. Catch-22 then. I like having a flat tum but am not at all fond of unexpected loo visits. Even more so when half asleep!

Melasma almost went but then I overdid a lactic peel, so it was back to PIH, not helped by going without makeup for most of lockdown. The mineral makeup had and has been acting as a sunblock. Even inside, UV rays have a negative effect on hyperpigmentation.

Going without makeup, by the way, was because I wanted to feel good about myself with or without – and I did, up to a point. I quite like my thinning brows and as long as my eyes shine, I don’t look too frightening.

I did go to see the GP about my neck and got prescribed a stronger corti-something cream. Doesn’t seem to be working on my mole which seems to flatten and appear to go, but then the lump comes back. Am currently now using some gizmo that zaps it with an electrical charge. Seems to have reduced it minimally.

The other issue of over-keratinisation(?) may be down to insulin reaction – or something. Anyway, I don’t eat much if any sugar but had been eating more pasta and puff pastry. Gave those up and it too seems to have reduced. Still need to use rubbing alcohol and a potent neck wash which do nothing for my self-esteem.

Socialising Romance Dates Whatever

Most of my socialising has been with V in the garden in front – which has made her happy. Had lunch in Chichester with an erstwhile Twitter follower (male). Zero dates and sub-zero on the romance front.

Repeat Scripts

Physical romance might be sub-zero, but the year has been topped and tailed by a relatively similar ‘vibes’ scenario. Different men but, for some reason, channels with a roughly similar script in parts.

As is the way with Twitter, I discovered the Toad had been suspended – again. His blinkered female fans think it was for upsetting a journo. If past observation is anything to go by, I’d say his grooming pervy tendency got him into hot water again.

But, oddly, a month or so later, I felt his presence on Twitter. A most peculiar vibe. Actually, like a toad’s blinking, I felt him observing me. Somehow, I am sometimes still picking up his vibes. For now.

The other channel was useful in ‘taping over’ the frequency picked up. That said, unlike the Toad, this other seems disinterested in me per se and has shown no curiosity in any of this esoteric stuff.

End Times

Repetition of scripts (Groundhog spiritual evolution) is my current metaphysical view. In the same way that some of the Toad’s similarities are shared by the other channel, I think End Times are Groundhog scripts. The Antichrist and the Messiah appear in evolving forms, never quite right, but still signalling division and massive changes.

I have written a separate post on this, but it needs reviewing and editing so that’s just a taster.

Will post this and add more as the month progresses.

Corner Artwork

It’s called Sunrise Xmas and is the artwork for this year’s e-card. Hope with the bird and the sunrise.

2020 Review Part 2

Coming soon.

Drawing Walls

Effects Of Protesting

I doubt my small contribution to the Silent Protest was much noticed, even by fellow supporters, but it felt the right thing to do. And, of course, it was not violent. Yet I do fear for our Jewish friends, as things are just ramping up. Demographic change, ably assisted by a so-called Conservative Govt is just speeding things along. Worrying times.

Drawing Walls

Went to sleep easily and quickly… then awoke four hours later feeling those intense vibes again. So much so, I wondered if I had been sent a message – an actual one, not an esoteric one!

No, nothing.

Yet it wasn’t the pervert, who I have met, or the creep – and clearly is now not who I thought it might be.

Had to wall myself, metaphysically, to get back to sleep again but as of now (09:30 – been up 2 hours), I am still drained and exhausted.

Am currently drawing cartoon walls – Wise El building a wall around herself. Will post anon but for now camera being kind to a wretched night’s lack of sleep. Look closer and you’ll spot the patches on the age growths on my neck!

Summery But Lack Of Sleep

Virgo Midheaven

 Emotional Self-Awareness

As per the snip on my ‘DoD?’ page, just a(nother) reminder of what this e-diary is about.

Having a particularly strong personality, I have long known I am an acquired taste. Sure, I am feminine and even sexy when inclined, but the overall view is of someone who a fiancé of mine (Gemini) once described as ‘can be overpowering’. Charming, eh?

Curiously, that has been said of me even when I sit still and say or do nothing at all.

Being kind to myself, I would say that is my inner presence making itself felt. However, I can understand why men, in general, might find that uncomfortable. One FBF in particular springs to mind. A handsome guy but a bit of a cad according to a mutual and not someone I would leap into bed with. Just as well as I am not remotely his type – too ethnic and too old!

I do not appeal to men who are on the vain side with a desire to be centre stage either. Odd, as I genuinely do not like being centre stage. A schoolmate has often told me that I am bad at accepting compliments. Probably true, although I do like them as most normal people would. Just that I am also hyper-critical of myself and tend to see through the prism of those who do not like my looks or personality.

Beats getting hurt, I guess.

Aquarius With Virgo Midheaven

For those who, like me, find esoterica like astrology and numerology useful learning tools, I am Aquarius with Scorpio Rising, Moon in Taurus – and Virgo in my midheaven.

My interest in astrology waned some many years ago, but a preponderance of Virgo males in or around the outer perimeter of my life since 1988, has forced me to ask why. Even more so since that ‘Strange Relationship’ with someone who turned out to be a pervert.

That ‘past tense’ connection has long been disconnected, but someone new seems to have connected. Someone who may also be Virgo and who I have barely communicated with on social media, yet whose intense vibes I have now picked up a good few times. Nice, but I am still wary, even though he comes across as friendly and normal. And, more to the point, is probably not that interested in me apart from being polite.

Definitely not a pervert like T (and more fool me for being so aloof in general that I never bothered checking first with that one).

Lessons To Learn

So, those intense (mostly sexual) vibes must be coming on strong for a reason.

I recognise the vices and virtues within me as well as those attributed to Virgo – so it’s not as if they are balancing me in that respect. Apart from ‘perfectionism’. Being a perfectionist is something, like minimalism, that has its merits but would not suit my imperfect self or busy house and working life.

Having “an eye for detail, and a gift for analysis and criticism” – I have those. Just used in less detailed ways.

(Aside, I can think of three possibly four past Virgos who most certainly did *not* have those gifts. Good in bed, but otherwise missing a few intellectual brain cells. So again, why?)

Groundhog Spiritual Learning

My current mystical view is that life keeps repeating itself.

As in Groundhog Day, I do think – for me at any rate – that there is an element of Groundhog to learning spiritual lessons. And, since S in 1988, Virgos have played a significant part in that learning process.  

Incidentally, S was also a pervert. While T was short and fat and toad featured, S was tall, slim and handsome. But still a pervert. He told me he enjoyed deflowering virgins. Clearly not me in that respect! However, he said he had made a conscious decision to ‘target’ me since I had barely noticed him, was top salesperson, and he saw me as a challenge so wanted to dominate and control me. Almost succeeded too.

There is a mystical reason why I fell in with him (not going to go into all that again but misinterpreting three prophetic dreams for a start). But still not entirely sure what all that says about me – hence the inevitable soul-searching.

Mystical Connections

A mystical connection is like the ‘phone ringing and, instead of it going unanswered or to voicemail, you pick it up.

Since 1988 – and S – the only male vibes I have picked up have been almost exclusively Virgo. Plus a Gemini and an Aquarian. And by vibes I mean extremely strong connections as opposed to the ‘oh so-and-so is thinking about you’ type of EMFs.

It’s quite possible that I never realised what those energies were until S.

Those who knew us both thought we were chalk and cheese. True. But the massive pain inside me had to be explained and so I spent years on huge amounts of research and study, to try to understand.

Mark you, since all the other Virgos also followed the same pattern, I clearly haven’t learned anything!

Despite his pervy nature, as well as him being a physical turn-off IRL (I met him just the once), I would have been friends with T – and the others too. Being friendly with and to all sorts is important to me.

However, they (apart from Ian), wanted to completely cut me from their lives and minds.

They took pride in their ability to focus, and once I was no longer interested in being who they wanted me to be, that focus was on erasing all vibes. Which suited and still suits me, to be honest. My ego is not that pronounced!

Groundhog Spiritual Syndrome

Giving my God the benefit of the doubt, and with Groundhog Syndrome chucked in for good measure, I assume that the sexual vibes were there for the magnetic naughty thrill, but that inevitably mind and head would take over. Meaning the lessons still needed to be taken on board but that it would get progressively less painful.

Or something.

All would have to be soulmates of some kind, I presume. for that level of connection.

Certainly with S, while we were both standing in a car park outside Guildford, he told me he loved me. First time, though not the only time, and I had a distinct out of body experience.

There is a good description of something similar in Bridge Across Forever – which I discovered during my lengthy research and study period. Their love never stood the test of time (either) despite the nirvanic experience. 25 years, I believe, before they parted ways.

If I were to guess, maybe my spiritual Groundhog wants me to relive that love but with the right man and in the right circumstances and make it last. After all, in mystical terms, this is my last life cycle – though of course these cycles can start again – but at the bottom (something I do not want).

Also, for NDE enthusiasts, this life cycle of mine is for the karma of others, not me. The drawback is that one can create ‘instant karma’ – which has happened to me often. The only good thing is it passes without attachment. (Okay that was probably more heavy-duty esoterica than I intended to include!!!)

So Why Learn Via Virgo?

My midheaven?

Minds on similar wavelengths? God, I hope not re the pervy S and T!

Perhaps if even one of them had been generous and kind (which I am) ….?

Generosity and kindness can overcome a lot but, even now, I feel irked at how greedy two of them were. No-one wants to be taken advantage of – least of all from someone you have chosen to spend time with.

Me, being the homeowner in three of those instances, brought out that greed. It was as if they were only interested in owning half of it. In fact, S said as much (long story – maybe another time).

Talking of home, I’d love mine to be less cluttered and tidier but working from here makes that nigh on impossible along with the thousands of books I own. Meaning it’s not spotlessly clean.

I, on the other hand, am. Baths every night. T had a bath once a week apparently ? So much for clean Virgos!

I do believe there is a special someone who may even be Virgo but that past including recent experiences have made me erect walls again. They have to be able to offer something so that it’s not just me doing all the giving. Sex is not an adequate quid pro quo, though for some women it might be. And I am categorically not there to ‘teach them’.

Teaching through my words and images may be part of my spiritual purpose but is an absolute no-no for any romantic relationship. (Yes, you guessed. T said I could teach him.)

Next Steps?

Haven’t a clue.