Virgo Midheaven

 Emotional Self-Awareness

As per the snip on my ‘DoD?’ page, just a(nother) reminder of what this e-diary is about.

Having a particularly strong personality, I have long known I am an acquired taste. Sure, I am feminine and even sexy when inclined, but the overall view is of someone who a fiancé of mine (Gemini) once described as ‘can be overpowering’. Charming, eh?

Curiously, that has been said of me even when I sit still and say or do nothing at all.

Being kind to myself, I would say that is my inner presence making itself felt. However, I can understand why men, in general, might find that uncomfortable. One FBF in particular springs to mind. A handsome guy but a bit of a cad according to a mutual and not someone I would leap into bed with. Just as well as I am not remotely his type – too ethnic and too old!

I do not appeal to men who are on the vain side with a desire to be centre stage either. Odd, as I genuinely do not like being centre stage. A schoolmate has often told me that I am bad at accepting compliments. Probably true, although I do like them as most normal people would. Just that I am also hyper-critical of myself and tend to see through the prism of those who do not like my looks or personality.

Beats getting hurt, I guess.

Aquarius With Virgo Midheaven

For those who, like me, find esoterica like astrology and numerology useful learning tools, I am Aquarius with Scorpio Rising, Moon in Taurus – and Virgo in my midheaven.

My interest in astrology waned some many years ago, but a preponderance of Virgo males in or around the outer perimeter of my life since 1988, has forced me to ask why. Even more so since that ‘Strange Relationship’ with someone who turned out to be a pervert.

That ‘past tense’ connection has long been disconnected, but someone new seems to have connected. Someone who may also be Virgo and who I have barely communicated with on social media, yet whose intense vibes I have now picked up a good few times. Nice, but I am still wary, even though he comes across as friendly and normal. And, more to the point, is probably not that interested in me apart from being polite.

Definitely not a pervert like T (and more fool me for being so aloof in general that I never bothered checking first with that one).

Lessons To Learn

So, those intense (mostly sexual) vibes must be coming on strong for a reason.

I recognise the vices and virtues within me as well as those attributed to Virgo – so it’s not as if they are balancing me in that respect. Apart from ‘perfectionism’. Being a perfectionist is something, like minimalism, that has its merits but would not suit my imperfect self or busy house and working life.

Having “an eye for detail, and a gift for analysis and criticism” – I have those. Just used in less detailed ways.

(Aside, I can think of three possibly four past Virgos who most certainly did *not* have those gifts. Good in bed, but otherwise missing a few intellectual brain cells. So again, why?)

Groundhog Spiritual Learning

My current mystical view is that life keeps repeating itself.

As in Groundhog Day, I do think – for me at any rate – that there is an element of Groundhog to learning spiritual lessons. And, since S in 1988, Virgos have played a significant part in that learning process.  

Incidentally, S was also a pervert. While T was short and fat and toad featured, S was tall, slim and handsome. But still a pervert. He told me he enjoyed deflowering virgins. Clearly not me in that respect! However, he said he had made a conscious decision to ‘target’ me since I had barely noticed him, was top salesperson, and he saw me as a challenge so wanted to dominate and control me. Almost succeeded too.

There is a mystical reason why I fell in with him (not going to go into all that again but misinterpreting three prophetic dreams for a start). But still not entirely sure what all that says about me – hence the inevitable soul-searching.

Mystical Connections

A mystical connection is like the ‘phone ringing and, instead of it going unanswered or to voicemail, you pick it up.

Since 1988 – and S – the only male vibes I have picked up have been almost exclusively Virgo. Plus a Gemini and an Aquarian. And by vibes I mean extremely strong connections as opposed to the ‘oh so-and-so is thinking about you’ type of EMFs.

It’s quite possible that I never realised what those energies were until S.

Those who knew us both thought we were chalk and cheese. True. But the massive pain inside me had to be explained and so I spent years on huge amounts of research and study, to try to understand.

Mark you, since all the other Virgos also followed the same pattern, I clearly haven’t learned anything!

Despite his pervy nature, as well as him being a physical turn-off IRL (I met him just the once), I would have been friends with T – and the others too. Being friendly with and to all sorts is important to me.

However, they (apart from Ian), wanted to completely cut me from their lives and minds.

They took pride in their ability to focus, and once I was no longer interested in being who they wanted me to be, that focus was on erasing all vibes. Which suited and still suits me, to be honest. My ego is not that pronounced!

Groundhog Spiritual Syndrome

Giving my God the benefit of the doubt, and with Groundhog Syndrome chucked in for good measure, I assume that the sexual vibes were there for the magnetic naughty thrill, but that inevitably mind and head would take over. Meaning the lessons still needed to be taken on board but that it would get progressively less painful.

Or something.

All would have to be soulmates of some kind, I presume. for that level of connection.

Certainly with S, while we were both standing in a car park outside Guildford, he told me he loved me. First time, though not the only time, and I had a distinct out of body experience.

There is a good description of something similar in Bridge Across Forever – which I discovered during my lengthy research and study period. Their love never stood the test of time (either) despite the nirvanic experience. 25 years, I believe, before they parted ways.

If I were to guess, maybe my spiritual Groundhog wants me to relive that love but with the right man and in the right circumstances and make it last. After all, in mystical terms, this is my last life cycle – though of course these cycles can start again – but at the bottom (something I do not want).

Also, for NDE enthusiasts, this life cycle of mine is for the karma of others, not me. The drawback is that one can create ‘instant karma’ – which has happened to me often. The only good thing is it passes without attachment. (Okay that was probably more heavy-duty esoterica than I intended to include!!!)

So Why Learn Via Virgo?

My midheaven?

Minds on similar wavelengths? God, I hope not re the pervy S and T!

Perhaps if even one of them had been generous and kind (which I am) ….?

Generosity and kindness can overcome a lot but, even now, I feel irked at how greedy two of them were. No-one wants to be taken advantage of – least of all from someone you have chosen to spend time with.

Me, being the homeowner in three of those instances, brought out that greed. It was as if they were only interested in owning half of it. In fact, S said as much (long story – maybe another time).

Talking of home, I’d love mine to be less cluttered and tidier but working from here makes that nigh on impossible along with the thousands of books I own. Meaning it’s not spotlessly clean.

I, on the other hand, am. Baths every night. T had a bath once a week apparently ? So much for clean Virgos!

I do believe there is a special someone who may even be Virgo but that past including recent experiences have made me erect walls again. They have to be able to offer something so that it’s not just me doing all the giving. Sex is not an adequate quid pro quo, though for some women it might be. And I am categorically not there to ‘teach them’.

Teaching through my words and images may be part of my spiritual purpose but is an absolute no-no for any romantic relationship. (Yes, you guessed. T said I could teach him.)

Next Steps?

Haven’t a clue.

 

Groundhog Experiment – Spiritual Stasis

being watched

It’s sunny right now (Monday 22/6) and I feel sunny inside too. But the truth is I find the world today divisive, puzzling and as if I am stuck inside some kind of Groundhog Experiment.

It is as if various different issues are being thrown at the masses: Brexit, illegal immigration, Covid 19, social distancing, no meeting of friends and relatives, anti-Trumpers, Islam, MSM giving up all pretence at neutrality, social media censoring individual thought, racial discord, Black Lives Matter controlled by white Marxists in the main, and so on.

For what purpose?

Globalist theories and a New World Order? End Times scenarios? Islamic takeover?

Even before lockdown, for me, there was some spiritual stasis – lack of motion outside of me to match what I felt was progressing inside. Lockdown has amplified all of that.

For decades, those on the left have berated those of us who are centrist, let alone those on the right. They constantly told us we are racists and bigots and lack compassion. What is absolutely obvious now is that the masses are finally waking up.

Over lockdown, and before that with Brexit, the innate nastiness of rather too many on the left has become all too obvious. Those on the right obeyed the rules ((except for some extreme examples) while those on the left appeared to do exactly as they pleased. Raves, protests, toppling of historical statuary – while the police either let them or ‘took the knee’. (Horrible expression, horrible action of subservience.)

We have a Tory Govt with a massive 80-seat majority yet it tiptoes around minority views. MPs held a minute’s silence for an American criminal! (I still cannot get my head around that!)

Illegals come in daily by the boatload, all aided by Border Force. We have been trapped in lockdown while they swan in, are given Covid tests and then housed in hard-to-come-by flats, given money and legal aid – all courtesy of taxpayers!

Then, to add insult to injury, some actually try to kill us – succeeding as well. But what do those in power say and do?

‘They are mentally ill’, we are told. These Islamic killers were on an ever-growing watch list of jihadis, but they are mentally ill, so back off then, is the unspoken threat to the rest of us.

As for the ‘pandemic’, I do not know anyone who has died. Many have had seriously nasty bouts of a new strain of flu – Wuhan flu. But they have almost all survived. So why have we all blindly (so far) accepted this.

I am not sure I trust what MSM has been telling us about who has died. Cross that out. I categorically do NOT trust MSM about even one death, let alone it reaping umpteen BAME souls. It’s as if MSM has been roped in to feed fear and panic and keep us all obedient and docile. But why?

Why would any government – and it’s not just ours in the UK – tank national economies for a virus that seems to kill immune-compromised people and some elderly in care homes. Worldwide deaths have amounted to just over half a million the last time I checked, and even then they are deaths reported ‘with’, not ‘of’ Covid 19. Not a lot, in the scheme of things.

If it really was such a terrifying illness, how come the police have regularly ignored lefty protests of one sort or another? Even when the law stipulated no groups of more than six people, thousands have been allowed to gather, travelling on public transport, going back to their families. Nothing, nothing at all, adds up.

Meanwhile, other minorities with loud voices are also doing their bit to overturn the norm.

TXs continue trying to mess with minds by again focusing on bigotry and lack of empathy for them while ganging up on actual women who want to retain their/our rights to be actual women.

Social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter pander to their aggression by suspending or even banning those who do not want our sexuality to be buried under their gripes and demands.

So what is this all about?

A financial reset? Enforced change to population demographics?

Bill Gates is supposed to be a fan of reduced population, but why allow illegals to just swan into Europe? Far too many seem intent on killing their kindly hosts in the name of Islam. Surely whoever the unseen Blofeld is, he or they cannot believe Islam is a malleable means of people control?

Why try to save lives? Why IVF?

It is possible that some malign beings (human or otherwise) might want to mate relatively healthier Africans with white women and then turn them into superbeings. Well it’s not as farfetched as all the other codswallop that’s been chucked at us over such a very long time.

Democracy is dying a death of a thousand cuts. The forces of law and order are failing us, pandering to rainbows and unicorns and the right melanin tint, kneeling on demand and being chased by feral young black men.

People are losing the will to work – if indeed their jobs will be around when Boris and co lift the lockdown.

We are threatened with a second wave, worse than this, so feeble minds will become further enfeebled. And why?

This is my Groundhog predicament. Tiny improvements without any of the real hope and love of Groundhog Day. This Groundhog existence is based around fear and divisiveness. Where Brexit failed to really divide us, where political left and right haven’t actually fallen out, try racial lines.

That too will fail.

The vast amount of people are ‘vexed’ but not aggressively angry. France and America appear to be the most angry generally. We have a few thousand thumping their chests and doing weekly war dances and statue defacing, but it’s like the angels of love and light are still holding us close.

Which is probably why I am still sunny inside. Just.