since my Diamond Year started two weeks ago. Huge surges of energy, fortunately focused on catching up with delayed tasks – like transferring the Little Books to Kindle – plus some (energy) on yet more life tidying up. And that latter has inevitably lead to pondering what the hell my life is all about. Again.

When I had the near-death experience all those years ago, there was an unspoken sense that I had a bigger purpose worth staying alive for. It resulted in a great flow of creativity which I presumed then, and still hang on to now, was my soul goal. Somewhere along the line, the need to earn a living has tarnished the soul part of it. Getting older certainly hasn’t clarified things or made choices easier, especially as I have no pension worth mentioning, and the world remains in terrible financial distress.

Then there is how are lives are enhanced – or not – by other people.

Blessed though I was with greetings from many people, I was once again reminded how single aunts seem to be there primarily to give, but rarely to get anything in return. You’d think for such a keynote birthday those who have received valuable gifts from me would at least have been thoughtful enough to send a bouquet of flowers. Nope.

Apart from birthday cards, the only thing I got was a third-hand whine about not being thought about on this shared anniversary (not the actual date of the loss). Not the slightest irony at their lack of thoughtfulness, gift-wise, yet again. It was all about them! Incredible. Friends get presents but not someone who has consistently been kind and generous. And, as an aside, one can pray in silence without needing the wider world to know.

I didn’t expect anything from one NandD or nephew minor so wasn’t disappointed there. Young people are dependent on their parents in such matters, so I expect this marks a turning point in those relationships as well. I cannot be expected to keep giving and getting little back in return. It programmes minds to be entitled which is exactly what I think is wrong with society these days.

Yet it’s not just the NandDs who seem to have this curiously one-sided attitude to giving. I can think of a few with personal problems who attract the goodwill of many others on social networking sites. But buggered if I’ve seen them ever even wish someone a happy birthday! I certainly got no greetings from quite a few of those. Does it really hurt to take the time to wish someone? And what’s with the ‘all take and no give’ behaviour?

Mark you, social media interacting can be horribly superficial. I don’t think I am (obviously!) but one example is someone picking up on a tweet about the keynote birthday, saying they’d made a note as it was a special one.

Naturally I don’t expect total strangers to remember such things but, having mentioned it on the day, it did not even merit a tweet greeting in return – not even a belated one when I drily mentioned it again.

Getting older hasn’t yet dimmed any thoughtfulness on my part – if I notice something, that is, not always easy on something like Twitter or Facebook with their deluges of tweets and posts – so I expect others to be the same. But they’re not. So why do I still care?

I don’t ram home that I paint and write books, but I have mentioned a few times that I was transferring all my titles to Kindle. So it went down like a lead balloon when someone responded as if they hadn’t heard before. When I am friendly, I mean it, and usually follow up to show it was meant sincerely. It’s bloody annoying when you are not granted the same courtesy in return. But then that’s social media for you.

We all want to be of value in our worlds, whether that is with one’s family or a wider circle through our work. So it’s not surprising that my mind trawls through my worth each night. Maybe these social media disconnects are forcing me to. Or maybe it’s just part of the process of getting older.

Still on which, schoolmates from both Gumley House and HFC have been in touch about getting together. Now there’s motivation to stay in shape!

Now back to Kindle. The one-liners that worked style-wise in the print versions haven’t with Kindle because it doesn’t like spaces, so I have had to mark down the retail price to $.99 to make up for the info assault.

It’s not worth re-writing or re-editing them because I will be doing cartoon versions with Wise El and friends. But I now know why I kept putting it all off. The covers took ages to do and ebooks don’t even have spines or backs! At least there is plenty of information for those prepared to buy it as is.

PS Unexpected thoughtfulness exists! The wonderful bouquet I got from T lasted almost these two weeks and I managed to sketch a couple of the flower heads which I’ll post when I scan them.)

The corner image is the Diamond Year ‘portrait’ – still a WIP.

that Diamond Year – and I still cannot bring myself to use the actual numbers. It’s not vanity or fear of getting older. More an understandable concern whether I still have mountains to climb or it’s all downhill from Thursday on. It’s got nothing to do with being positive or not and more to do with facing life’s realities.

said someone the other day (being somewhat judgemental themselves in the process). But then who is not judgemental? Only those that lack self-awareness or are a cretin.

birthday is naturally having an impact, not least for thinking about work and the possibility of seeking out a part-time job at some stage. That is unless I build up the merchandise side of my business and sell that more pro-actively.