Euphrosene Labon

Friday 12: Rushing out the door to Brighton to return the non-working greetings card software packages, I got an email that Sister Clement, a much loved nun from my second boarding school, was dying. I forwarded it to one of the NandDs who rang the convent and discovered she had actually died on the 11th . RIP

Meanwhile, I was rather tense about returning the software as the guy I spoke with said they only accepted hardware. People can load software on their machines but pretend it does not work, asking for refunds, so he was perfectly in order to be off-ish. However, so was I because the blessed things were problematic from the off. One would not load at all (Shield Deluxe did not allow it to) and the other installed but looped and I had to contact their tech guys who told me to uninstall it, turn off my firewall and try again.

Against my better judgement, I did - and then discovered it would not accept JPEGS. It only accepted OLE - which I know nothing about and, quite frankly, have no desire to learn. Anyway, I took it to the tech guys and, luckily, got S, a helpful guy from a couple of weeks ago. He believed me and I got the refund.

And, just so everyone knows, I have removed the software from my laptop.

Interestingly, he said that he too (like D on JB) wiped clean his laptop every six months. He said it got rid of all sorts of hidden things that even CCleaner could not find. But he also said it took him up to five days to put back all the software that he used. Like I can see me doing that even once a year, let alone every six months!

On the plus side, I found a greetings card software package online which allowed me to play with the trial version (it prints out with trial gumpf on each page), so I could see how easy it would be to use my artwork and text. Picking it up was easy, getting the layout right needed some effort.

It was also easier to create the words in Photoshop - and turn them upside down - in order to import them onto the correct part of the card. But it was all curiously satisfying. No wonder I slept for nine hours.

(Annoyingly, I have now discovered I did not save all that hard work. Just as well I printed off all the cards I intend to snail mail! Will have to contact them to suggest a save prompt.)

Called in to see Ma on the way back. My destiny, she tells me, is in Scotland. Back with my Scottish prince… the one I cannot remember marrying.

Her typing notes though are much more lucid in places. For example, she refers to Lily F, who she thinks Dad was in love with because he had remarked that watching the stars with her was the happiest day of his life. Despite him then marrying Ma, and unconditionally loving and supporting her for nearly sixty years, it still seems to be on her mind.

PS Congrats to the RAF on 90 years. (Dad was in the Royal Air Force for over thirty years…)

Euphrosene Labon Mind Body Spirit Artist Author Writer

Buy my art at Imagekind!

greetings card software, Sister Clement, greetings card, RAF, Royal Air Force

Thursday 21: If one could live permanently in Self, we´d be physically dead. The trick is to bring some of the utter certainty and wholeness in those fleeting moments in to the constant consciousness. In rather a roundabout way, I would like to bring back that unshakeable artistic certainty I feel, especially when I see paintings by technically incredibly talented artists, and then make the major mistake of comparing.

Akiane Kramarik, for example, is astonishingly talented. Her realistic paintings are, she says, God talking to her, and I do not doubt it for a second. To have such skill with paints, in covering a large canvas and her use of light would be praiseworthy enough. But in someone so very young, it must be God-given. Can you hear a `yet´?

The `yet´ is that they do not actually move me spiritually. They seem like photographs, expertly copied. While I can but wish for similar talents, it is often abstract colours and the finest lines that tune me in to higher realms, whether my own or others.

A country is its people. England today is a bit of a mishmash with newcomers vying for cultural control. Mark you they´d need to wrest it from the Scots first! Whatever happened to when in Rome?

America on the other hand seems to have a very clear cut culture. On the one hand, friendly and seemingly spiritual; on the other, there remains an inherent racism that seems contrary from such a patchwork of people. Why else the constant references to Barack Obama´s colour?

Then there are the God-botherers and fundamental Christians who think nothing of invading other countries for the most unspiritual of reasons. And if they are not invading them and dragging along their poodles (like the UK), they interfere on a global scale. Most odd. Most paradoxical.

I was thinking that again, watching the House of Saddam last night. He might have been wicked by our standards, but what on earth are we by theirs?

PS The tune du jour was actually two. The morning one was about love, something about when you least expect it. But, as s*d´s law would have it, having monopolised my mind all morning, it is now in some remote mental filing cabinet, replaced by Nothing Ever Happens by Del Amitri. The Divine Inside is definitely having a laugh with that one.

Maybe the first one too?

artistic certainty, Akiane Kramarik, God, abstract, colours, culture, racism, Barack Obama, fundamental Christians, love, mind

Thursday 5: Another month racing by. Am trying to think again in terms of today, now, and not let my life, mind and goals be dictated by hours in the day, days in a week, weeks in a month, months in a year.

Spending the best part of the day (still) trying to get to grips with accounting practices and accounting software has made this one day seem like ten lifetimes. Plus I think I managed to scratch my eye, so that was sore all day till I removed my mascara. How odd to make only one eye hurt?

Re the accounting: I have outlined an idea for an article and contacted Microsoft for their input. From the frustrated user viewpoint... but not one long endless moan! As with everything I write, there will be an upbeat suggestion somewhere. Let´s just see how long it takes them to contact me.

Painting in oils last night, I realised today, why I am not a great fan. Even painting `lean´ rather than my usual `fat´, it was - is - still wet this afternoon. Drying times can be from six months to a year. Definitely not suitable for me, even though some of my paintings can take months and even years to complete.

Am I a happy `freemale´?

Yes and no. I am much happier on my own than I have been with the men I have known so far. Compromise with the wrong person can only make you deeply unhappy. There again, only an idiot would reject the enhanced happiness of sharing with the right person. So how would you know the difference between the right and wrong person?

Key elements must be respect, support, balance, shared ideals plus more tangible fundamentals like physical attraction and even financial responsibility. I may not need someone to fund me, but if you are sharing bank balances at any stage, you don´t want some ne-er do well emptying it. Come to think of it financial selfishness is a most unattractive quality - eg the Rooster and STM.

My self-esteem (currently flickering, having checked my stats!!!) can still plummet fast thinking how I felt deep affection for such mean-spirits.

Now here´s an odd thing. I sometimes google for people I once knew but today is the first time I did for an ex-boyfriend, especially one who was such a soul trigger. And, waddya know, I felt an echo of that massive energy of possession again, as if he was also tuning in.

Most odd. And most frightening. The last time that happened, in 1988-89, I seemed to willingly lose control of my mind. Love, I called it then. Madness (of love), I call it now. Yes, he was a soulmate, in that he shifted my soul on to a particular spiritual journey. But lifetime companion? NO.

Message to God: don´t even THINK about it.

accounting software, Microsoft, soul trigger, energy of possession, soulmate, God