Euphrosene Labon

Saturday 25: My priorities must have got jumbled today as I spent £7 on food and £21.50 on eye cream.

I don´t normally use creams under my eyes or on my neck. If I buy them it is because they tend to be lighter than face moisturisers. But, the other day, I used one of those home-use, glycolic facial scrubs and, by mistake, dried up the under eye area - badly. For the last week or so, the skin has been peeling - nice, eh? Oh, btw, the white looking face in the mugshot yesterday is due to sunblock.

Probably an opportune time to give a melasma update: no change. I bet when I stop using these expensive melasma creams and lotions, the blasted cells will return to normal on their own!

Popped in to see Ma who was sitting up by the open window. I asked if she felt cold but she seemed to like it, so I left it. We sat peaceably, me reading the paper, till she spotted the Daily Mail´s fear-inducing headlines and we read a few pages each. She wanted to know if her money was safe, but her eyes really brightened and she smiled when I brushed and plaited my hair. For some reason, the years just fell away and she was a young woman again.

She also asked if any paintings had been accepted - amazing for her to remember… I don´t know. The website link doesn´t work. Anyway, I don´t really want to think about anything that creates tension.

Joe Public must have felt the same as Worthing town centre was really busy, as was Haskins Farm Shop. Perhaps we all feel an asteroid is going to strike us so we may as well spend the last of our moolah! Seriously, people were in exceptionally good moods. Maybe our souls are coming out for air when it really matters. Certainly there was no sense of panic.

To match the anniversary of the Wall Street Crash (24 October 1929), shares went down again, but not frighteningly so. The worst, I understand, was on the 29th October 1929… so let´s hope this resilience holds. Anyway, as long as the companies are sound, it is crazy to panic sell - although, reading briefly of the Great Depression, there are amazing similarities.

Why on earth didn´t the pygmies in power, those who presumably studied politics, economics and history *before* they stood for office, recognise the signs and do something to put in appropriate regulation? Ruthless traders make bigger sums out of our panic so we should not play into their hands. And if we cannot be relied on to act logically, then regulation is necessary.

PS Fulton J Sheen made the point about invisible support some years ago, but it is a point many a thinking Godbotherer, like me, ponders frequently. Especially in troubled times, like now. I need my bit of God, not for comfort, but for certainty. Meaning, how do atheists cope?

PPS Kristina Rihanoff is a wonderful dancer. Pity about her partner.

glycolic, sunblock, melasma, Ma, Daily Mail, money

Tuesday 16: Plans changed. Cancelled. Slept like a rock but the inflammation is still there, and it would be daft to freeze on a railway station or in the meeting hall - especially since with the latter I would be unable to move. Anyway, there is much still to do. But first the chemist for heat pads.

I walked two miles to the one by the station, detouring at the one in the village which, as usual, always looks empty. At least it now has steps by the door (instead of walking half a mile up the ramps).

The other pharmacist was helpful, but the woman behind the counter was one of those ignorant oiks who has not learned the difference between customer service and idle chatter.

She was serving a woman in front of me whom she seemed to know. Quite naturally she had a chatty conversation with her (nothing to do with items to buy from the chemist). Except the conversation went on - and on - after the purchase had been completed. And she did not once look at the people queueing up, to acknowledge them. So, after a few minutes of waiting, I said `excuse me´.

The woman chatted to was good mannered, as she instantly moved out of the way. I asked the counter assistant if she always continued with private conversations while customers were waiting. No, she replied. Was it reserved just for me, I asked. No, came back the reply. Then an apology is surely in order (ie sorry to keep you waiting), I answered. It came.

With any sort of customer service, we should not have to ask or chase. Quality service is pre-emptive. It is empathetic. And it is based on proactive communication. Meaning I should not have had to ask to get her attention - especially as I was buying from them!

God gets the blame for a lot of things, but to murder and cannibalise - especially one body dug up from a grave - yeurk! - because God never gave you any money is definitely a new low. Besides, we´d all be murdering and cannibalising in protest at God´s mysterious ways.

Things do work out eventually, although I agree God´s idea of time is definitely not the same as a mere human!

(Maybe there is something in the creationist idea of six days. Especially based on the aeons I sometimes have to wait to get a desire manifested!!!)

Had to laugh though at the comment from `Michael´ on the Daily Mail website: "I dunno, what a strange planet I have landed on, I hope I don’t arrive here again next life time." Hahaha. Sounds like something I would have written!

I don´t mind people eating meat, so why are some brainless carnivores so anti-vegetarian? Even their studies are half-arsed.

Clarissa Dickson Wright, one of the fat chefs, was also pretty scathing about vegetarians this morning, and it wasn´t even an intelligent criticism. It was purely emotional and rather rude, if I recall. Now, considering practically all Hindus and Buddhists are also vegetarian, that is technically offensive. Just as well most vegetarians, me inc, are quite forgiving. Doesn´t mean we turn the other cheek first though.

In all the articles and blog posts, not one has referenced the actual study, (they referenced a newspaper article) so I dug out a contact and have asked to read it. The press release doesn´t say a great deal but only mentions higher levels of B12 - and that none had a B12 deficiency. Certainly nothing about vegetarians per se although it might be different in the study.

I have no intention of subscribing to Neurology just to read it and from this piece on the alzheimers´ site, it does seem to be related to B vitamins. Let´s see.

PS I didn’t have a duvet day, but I should have.

customer service, God´s mysterious ways, time, creationist, eating meat, brainless carnivores, vegetarian, B12 deficiency

Thursday 4: If I wrote every time I had internal and external wranglings with God, it would be a very repetitious blog. But I do (have regular wrangles with God). Worse, there is much that I do not write because I genuinely love God and don´t want others to mock (God) when things do not go right for me.

I feel I should be protecting and defending God. Deluded, eh? Why should a mere human need to protect and defend the Almighty?

Yet what does God do in return for such unshakeable loyalty? Not a lot, actually. Well not in mundane human terms. We believers keep believing even though the logic - well there is no obvious logic. We just believe because of personal experience.

Thus, given the constancy of my underlying thoughts, it was unsurprising that I would relish Frank Cottrell Boyce´s God on Trial on BBC2 last night. It was excellent and gave me much food for (further) thought. And yes, true believers also seem to pick lousy hands or rather the Great Everything seems to reward us with blessings wrapped in thorns.

PS One of God´s big jokes is the family relationship. When parents get infirm, animosity is often never far from the surface. Regular visits are expected, as indeed they should, only to make `frequency´ the next bone of contention.

Peace of mind is a rare commodity. Rarer still when NandDs choose to compare and often browbeat if you have different values. There seems to be a competition to see who will do the most. So not only is there the anxiety of an ailing relative who is pulling in yet another direction, there is the added bad feeling of `value comparison´.

At least I am not alone with sibling disharmony. One email in my inbox mentions one sister taking umbrage with two who lived abroad, yet who rarely went to see her mother - or made the mother take the bus to visit her.

Or there are the Van Cutsems. The younger daughter allegedly kept a £35m inheritance from her two elder sisters because she felt they did not care for the father as well as she did. The middle sister died last year with nothing resolved and the elder and younger sisters are still at war, apparently. Says a `family source´: ‘.. they neglected their father and did not deserve it´.

Who is to say who cares more anyway?

Totally unrelated to my own family, we often do things to resolve issues within ourselves. Guilt, for example, makes us do things we would rather not, if we are honest enough. If others want to do more they will. Comparing and contrasting won´t change anything.

If something is a burden, do not do it. Better to do something from the heart rather than as a duty.

As for myself, I made clear before and am happy to do in public here, when someone is bedridden, with death knocking (although it is often difficult to really know), I will take a sleeping bag if necessary and spend final time with them. Otherwise, I will visit to suit.

Besides, being constantly asked to go home creates an additional stress that I can do without right now. I should be focusing on getting some work, selling more books, selling my art and earning some money. There is only me to pay my bills. There is no-one for support (well apart from the Almighty). So any additional harassment would test the patience of a saint - and we all know I am not one.

In the interests of honesty, after several days of distraught telecons (wanting to go home), I did mention to the nurse whether he thought tranquilising might help, meaning something like Valium. He thought I meant something to knock her out and said it was a bad idea - which I obviously agree with! Has Valium changed so much? It used to be called the happy pill.

Re happy: she does seem happier today. For the first time she agreed to come here for lunch and to see if there are any books she´d like to borrow.

PPS At least I have not written a book called How (Not) To Murder Your Mother (Stephanie Calman)!

PPPS And I still have not written that Quality Statement. It involves more work than I realised.

wrangles with God, Frank Cottrell Boyce, BBC2, family relationship, sibling disharmony, Van Cutsems, Almighty, Valium, happy, How (Not) To Murder Your Mother, Quality Statement