Euphrosene Labon

Sunday 9: Fireworks of another sort with NandD disagreements and the usual volley of criticism covering everything from art to big mouth smiles in photos to coffee and units of wine and whether Teilhard de Chardin was a convert (not from what I understand).

Sometimes I am surprised I have any self-belief at all, as even a compliment is so backhanded, it is worse than the criticism. For example: I am told I should paint to suit what the public wants to buy.

If I did that, then my art would not be a spiritual communion between me and my God. It would be between me and a fickle public.

Yes, of course I want to sell my creative endeavours - though not by sacrificing what I feel is precious to me: my relationship with the divine.

But then it probably highlights the lack of understanding for my spiritual beliefs, as that too cropped up. I gather someone was told I `cherrypick´ what I believe in. Wrong.

I am an entheist. I believe in God - the God within (en theos) and in whom I am part. In other words, the Infinite, the Great Everything - but also a personal God.

If I quote another belief or guru or recommend a ritual, it is because it just happens to be the same as mine - not because it is something I feel attracted to. So I do not ‘cherrypick’ what I believe.

None of us really knows; we just have a current truth. Elements of that truth resonate within each of us. It just comes out differently, dependent on our circumstances, past mind programming and so forth.

We may even be ants to a higher sentient. That is a distinct spiritual possibility. There is more. But you’ll have to buy Wise El’s Book of Big Thoughts to discover them.

There are more of my spiritual views in the Floreo Forum though.

PS It´s funny how one can get sucked in to watching some TV programmes regularly -like me with Strictly Come Dancing. Prior to the beauteous pairing of Alesha Dixon and Matthew Cutler, I think I watched Colin Jackson´s fabulous quickstep and appalling final and a couple of times with Mark Ramprakash. Now, after checking the spoiler thread on Digital Spy, I´ve gone off this series and probably won´t be watching any more.

Perhaps it´s because I really do love dancing (and watching it) and the programme or rather the Great British Public´s voting choices have become farcical. Admittedly, along with the fan(atic)s are those who vote to see someone being regularly humiliated - also not my cup of tea.

Buy my art at Imagekind!

art, spiritual communion, relationship with the divine, entheist, God within, truth, spiritual possibility, Wise El’s Book of Big Thoughts, Strictly Come Dancing, Alesha Dixon and Matthew Cutler, dancing, Great British Public

Monday 3: Pain is God´s way of getting your attention (or the body´s dependent on your beliefs). Well my God/body was demanding to be noticed from 04:30hrs for nearly an hour this morning, till I got out of bed.

The cold weather may have had something to do with it and, at time of writing, the pains recede every time I focus on my breathing (as well as keeping warm). But twitching nerve ends are not much fun.

One of the NandDs said to go to the doctor, but what will they do? Harass me to take a cervical smear test for their targets and then fob me off with painkillers, which I do not actually need as it is not a constant.

As for having physiotherapy, I know what they do, and can do it for myself. So why get stressed trying to make an appointment (with the doctor), and being kept waiting behind a bunch of gassing grannies only to hear their `expert´ opinion? And I do not think much of their expertise at the best of times.

Besides, I know what it is: "In the situation in which a cervical nerve root is severely irritated or compressed, there is severe sharp pain radiating all the way down the arm and into the forearm, aggravated by neck movement …" - "and most symptoms subside over a period of time, usually a few weeks, almost regardless of treatment."

Sitting at this blasted computer of course doesn´t help but I remember years ago having similar pains from constant driving. So, short of becoming a couch potato and developing a fat arse, I just have to remember to take regular stretching and meditating breaks. If I felt it was anything really serious (ie constant), I´d go for an MRI scan faster than a speeding bullet.

Ma has the psychiatrist visiting again but I don´t know what time and cannot hang around for most of the day as I did last time. Anyway, she is much happier in herself these days and is more concerned about me now: "Have you got embrocation? You must keep warm."

Later: Two canvases (oils) started. Goodbye to one website (www.floreo.org) and Easyspace has set in motion web and email re-redirection.

The floreo.org email stays but any emails sent to me could get bounced for up to 48 hours, so here´s hoping that `major contract´ is not one of them. Well?

The purpose is to save money as well as build up traffic on one site. Plus the floreo one does not have quite the power it originally did. Actually, I took out Easyspace´s really cheap basic package and I am not entirely sure what is going to happen. Till tomorrow.

Re therapy painting: there is something truly wonderful about splodging paints onto canvas, provided you can keep them from going muddy. The first is a base for a painting about chakra energy. Not sure about the second. But, having covered myself in hard-to-remove red and green oils, I think I will only be using water-based paints once they are finished.

doctor, pains, website, floreo.org, therapy painting, chakra energy

Saturday 25: My priorities must have got jumbled today as I spent £7 on food and £21.50 on eye cream.

I don´t normally use creams under my eyes or on my neck. If I buy them it is because they tend to be lighter than face moisturisers. But, the other day, I used one of those home-use, glycolic facial scrubs and, by mistake, dried up the under eye area - badly. For the last week or so, the skin has been peeling - nice, eh? Oh, btw, the white looking face in the mugshot yesterday is due to sunblock.

Probably an opportune time to give a melasma update: no change. I bet when I stop using these expensive melasma creams and lotions, the blasted cells will return to normal on their own!

Popped in to see Ma who was sitting up by the open window. I asked if she felt cold but she seemed to like it, so I left it. We sat peaceably, me reading the paper, till she spotted the Daily Mail´s fear-inducing headlines and we read a few pages each. She wanted to know if her money was safe, but her eyes really brightened and she smiled when I brushed and plaited my hair. For some reason, the years just fell away and she was a young woman again.

She also asked if any paintings had been accepted - amazing for her to remember… I don´t know. The website link doesn´t work. Anyway, I don´t really want to think about anything that creates tension.

Joe Public must have felt the same as Worthing town centre was really busy, as was Haskins Farm Shop. Perhaps we all feel an asteroid is going to strike us so we may as well spend the last of our moolah! Seriously, people were in exceptionally good moods. Maybe our souls are coming out for air when it really matters. Certainly there was no sense of panic.

To match the anniversary of the Wall Street Crash (24 October 1929), shares went down again, but not frighteningly so. The worst, I understand, was on the 29th October 1929… so let´s hope this resilience holds. Anyway, as long as the companies are sound, it is crazy to panic sell - although, reading briefly of the Great Depression, there are amazing similarities.

Why on earth didn´t the pygmies in power, those who presumably studied politics, economics and history *before* they stood for office, recognise the signs and do something to put in appropriate regulation? Ruthless traders make bigger sums out of our panic so we should not play into their hands. And if we cannot be relied on to act logically, then regulation is necessary.

PS Fulton J Sheen made the point about invisible support some years ago, but it is a point many a thinking Godbotherer, like me, ponders frequently. Especially in troubled times, like now. I need my bit of God, not for comfort, but for certainty. Meaning, how do atheists cope?

PPS Kristina Rihanoff is a wonderful dancer. Pity about her partner.

glycolic, sunblock, melasma, Ma, Daily Mail, money