Euphrosene Labon

Tuesday 11: What exactly is public service broadcasting? That is what we are supposed to be paying for with the BBC TV licence. Yet, if a couple of comments on this thread are anything to go by, Eastenders is `public service broadcasting´. Really?

I thought it was just another rather dreary soap and there are plenty of those on every channel. As for programmes about nature and history, both Channels Four and Five have come up with some excellent ones. So what´s the differentiator? Apart from the licence fee that is.

In the past, the main differentiator was the depths they would plumb (and still do), …. with the BBC a beacon of higher morality. Now, of course, that is no longer the case. So, again, why exactly are we paying nearly £140 a year?

Meanwhile, I must praise Iomart Easyspace for their polite and responsive technical support.

To save emails on the server, they changed my settings to IMAP and did not charge me. Unfortunately, my btinternet ISP account does not appear to verify IMAP accounts so we then had to forward all emails to gmail. Sigh. But, all praise to them for their patience.

With one thing and another, I did not finish the article I was meant to be writing and it won´t get done tomorrow either .

In a financial downturn, I believe we should be open to all creative solutions in finding work. More than a few freelance writers do not agree with me. What´s new!?

Supportive words of the touchy-feely kind are the recommended medicine, with most clawing tightly to their contacts and any leads, regardless of whether or not they can do justice to the article.

If a lead is passed on, it is for karmic brownie points. So when I suggested being a little more entrepreneurial, and sharing the financial moolah, the responses ranged from the pathetic to the more intelligent (empathy but not real agreement).

Forum words are cheap, folks. (Except my forum, of course!!!).

In this parlous economic climate, karma is best gained by being entrepreneurial and financially creative. ‘Thank you’ is good, but it does not pay the bills. And, if you do not trust the person in question in any way at all, don´t work with them.

Now must try and finish my piece!

Buy my art at Imagekind!

public service broadcasting, BBC, TV licence, IMAP, btinternet, freelance writers

Thursday 30: Staying buoyant when there are moments when you want to panic is a real art - or science. Yes faith plays a part, but when God seems distant, I fall back into what worked before. So it is the science of faith for me especially when internal chaos can be quite appalling.

God knows what set it off. Oh yes, I remember. Bank charges causing `normal´ debt to spiral out of control. A news headline triggering off an unpleasant memory, especially since freelancing adds an unwelcome frisson to economic downturns. Cue for action - lots of it; applying for every regular paying job that roughly matched.

That settled the internal volcano. Then I decided to start the ball rolling on closing down my floreo website, but keeping the domain name and re-directing them here. And making sure my emails remain uninterrupted. What a palava.

The internal volcano didn´t start up again but I have managed to create chaos of another kind. On the plus side, it did stop me fretting about taking three steps back (through applying for regular paying jobs).

Can there be a more annoying company than MBNA? Every day - and I mean EVERY DAY - I get an automated phone call which then rings off. 0800 389 0043. It´s a free phone number so shall we ring it guys and gals and annoy them too???

Solution: have a good scream.

panic, science of faith, Bank charges, floreo, MBNA, 0800 389 0043

Friday 8: Just as well I subscribe to those useful old chestnuts of ‘every day is a new life’, and ‘never give up’. They help me get over the issue of `time´ (remember the Svami Purna quote?)

As long as I am breathing, I will never give up on my good desires although they may evolve - as indeed they should. However, the red hot belief from when I started is more like a glowing ember these days. Time stretched can cause self-doubt to root…

Horrendous start to the day as the `phone rang after I had dropped off to sleep and then I needed an alarm start as I had a meeting with the bank. Even now my eyeballs feel like they are full of lead. But it didn´t stop me having a surge of energy at 6am, trying to work out which income stream to prioritise with (ie with active prospecting). Part of that meant sifting through all the writing jobs I have pitched for since January. A lot! .. most of which are still in abeyance.

Backing up January to March and making my financial year my work start year eased a sense of failure - hence `every day…´

Yet the potential for resurrection also exists - meaning resurrected prospects. Am quietly hopeful but without my normal exuberant optimism. Perhaps it was also flattened by the photos taken of the melasma a year ago, contrasted with this week.

God knows what bleaching products others use but natural ones, so far, have actually made it darker and more widespread! This week´s mugshot was definitely worse, so I deleted both. That means if the current products work, there will be no `before´. You´ll just have to take my word for it.

Ma is in hospital but nearer. That´s my weekend gone.

Why do some good deeds always turn sour? Not for the first time all it has given me is a lingering annoyance with the people concerned, and killed the original feelgood.

There are quite a few more current annoyances and annoying people, but I am trying very hard not to give them mind room. Hence the s-m-i-l-e. And I definitely need it with Internet Explorer 7 on `crashing overtime´.

time, self-doubt, bank, resurrection, melasma