Another Test Just To Be Sure :)


TT11112014_00000 Another test. I drew a smaller one of this sketch to paint and unfortunately used the wrong paints for one of the faces (too strong) so that ended up in the bin.

Vibes & Other Dimensional Messages



Thomas Szasz once wrote “If you talk to God, you are praying; If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. If the dead talk to you, you are a spiritualist; If you talk to the dead, you are a schizophrenic.” Wonder what he’d have said about empaths and vibes?

I find picking up vibes from others fascinating on the one hand and horribly intrusive on the other. Especially the sexual kind.

For rather more than a few days, it felt like every part of me was on fire. And no, I am not going to go into detail! This is a metaphysical blog not a porn one though the image is kind of related. And edited!

To be honest, I can only guess as to the originating source as the guy has not been in touch for weeks, and anyway, absolutely nothing happened – well apart from him appearing to have the hots when we met. (Most odd since I really did not give off any signals to say I was open for business, so to speak, and the few messages exchanged were devoid of any hanky-panky. On my part at least.)

It’s just that because God is so difficult to ‘hear’, I tend to mark every out-of-the-ordinary’ remark or incident as the divine trying to get in touch in some way.

If so, the only message I can get decipher is that I shouldn’t be ignoring my long dormant sexual needs. Hah! Like I want to indulge with passing strangers! Anyway, sex, however pleasing, never assuages soul loneliness which is why I have stayed clear of meaningless romantic entanglements these many long years. They always drain me of both emotional and spiritual energy.

But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t flattered. Getting older means you tend to accept that opportunities lessen (though I haven’t felt that as yet). And the day we met, was yet another bad hair and allergies day. Enjoyable, yes, but not necessarily the reason or source of the vibes. So all very puzzling – though thankfully now gone. Like I said, they really are intrusive and make getting anything done impossible.

And to end on a more higher spiritual note, I have noticed that being in tune with the Divine tends to increase one’s sexual potency. However, the general view cf Napoleon Hill & Yogananda is that one is supposed to transmute it.

Perhaps that was the message?

Last Memory of Ma

DSC00555  DSC00551

From Facebook Memories, something I haven’t read in years. The cartoon is a gift I gave her, with some of the words from her own diaries. (You may recall she had an alternative reality on life. Well, I guess that’s one way of putting it!) The other image is called Kamala Resurrection.

Anyway, here is the blog post from 2010:

The last two weeks of Ma’s life were a total roller coaster of emotions: being with her when she was taken into Worthing Hospital and really thinking she would pass on that night. Yet, a few hours later, she was beaming widely, kissing the hands of the nurses who looked after her.

From my 2009 journals: “Sat 21: Not sure who will die first – me or Ma. Got call at around 4 this morning. Was at the nursing home by 05:15hrs and twenty minutes or so later following the ambulance to the hospital.

X-Rays, ECGs and more and all the while she was looking comatose, unblinking. The nearest she got to movement was being gently prodded in the bowel area. Faecal blockage in elderly can apparently cause similar sensory impasse.

Several hours later, I was still concerned enough to ask for a priest to administer the Last Rites. Then, hallelujah, she tried to talk (she had an oxygen mask on) and her eyes were bright again. She held my hand and tried to kiss it saying ‘thank you’.”

I had been with her earlier the day she died – 5th March – and her legs were like tree trunks. Our tiny Ma.

Also from my 2009 journals: “Wed 4: Risked visiting out of hours to help Ma eat but today she was not allowed food prior to an ultrasound later in the afternoon. She still can only manage one word at a time and flags almost immediately, but is still mentally quite sharp.

She was trying to signal me to look under her blanket and I was utterly horrified by how massive her legs were. Luckily a doctor was doing his rounds and said it was something to do with albumen(?) and that when she starts moving around again, they would go down. Not sure when that is going to happen as they had to use the hoist to get her back into bed yesterday apparently because she could not move and neither could they help her without it.

My emotions are bit fraught as one moment she has one foot on the other side and the next she is beaming broadly and kissing my hand (and those of anyone else who helps her). But it made me weep today, seeing her in evident pain, coughing and struggling to breathe and swallow.”

Times passes and memories fade. Words help to relive the moment though, so I am glad of these.