48 Hours Silent Protest

Why The Silent Protest

Antisemitism BLM And Twitter

Antisemitism is on the rise. This 48 Hour Protest is a silent one in solidarity with our Jewish brothers and sisters.

BLM, helped by many apparently well-known black slebs, has made it louder and seemingly more acceptable. Yet some well-known  – to someone – can’t say I’ve ever heard of any of them including the vile one given an MBE – blacks can say whatever garbage pops out of their heads.

They can be violent and steal, but like Muslims, have been left alone or let off. (Why?) But back to the Twitter protest.

Twitter is a strangely addictive beast. Unfortunately, it is also, predominantly, a leftist, virtue-signalling and antisemitic beast. Jack Dorsey is happy to instantly punish or permanently ban those with right-wing views but lets blacks of a grimy kind rant for days, with barely a slap on the wrist.

And bear in mind I got a 12-day suspension for quoting from a Cher film, mentioning the word ‘whore’!

Utter madness.

Anyway, this ‘48 Hours’ is a silent protest from those of us with a strong moral code and a sense of fairness. Their platform, their rules – but play fair.

First 24 Hours

Restless Start

Decided to watch Who Killed Little Gregory? late into Sunday evening and ended up watching all five episodes till past midnight. Happily, I was bathed, had meditated and was ready for sleep before 01:30…which then didn’t happen till around 5am.

Much tossing and turning, looking at socmed, trying to get eyes to focus on possibly reading, more meditating, then finally paying attention to some of the jumble of thoughts crowding my mind. when other usual methods didn’t work.

DW

During those sleepless hours, I had very vivid memories of DW from the 70s when I was still virginal as well as a virgin.

Yes, DW is also a Virgo, but, unlike those future Virgos, he was a posh guy, lawyer – with a strange way of walking. Actually, N also walked the same way.

First penis I ever saw – and even virginal me back then could tell he was extremely well-endowed. I think it was the only time in my life I fainted!

D went to get Mari A – a schoolfriend (year older) – to come and revive me. She thought it was hilarious.

He loved my long nails and ability to glam up easily.  As was my wont, back then though, just to show I could not be controlled, I cut off my nails and refused to glam up to go to a nightclub – so we parted ways.

He did send me a Christmas card that year – with the Holy Virgin on and a cryptic message about being intacto. Hahaha! I laughed back then too but we lost contact and unlike many of my boyfriends we have not ‘found’ each other again via Facebook or LinkedIn (the usual ways they have found me).

I should add for truthfulness that I have, over the years, checked out past friends and loves. Never contact the males first though except another D – for work reasons – and we’re still in touch.

Posh v RT

Apparently, RT no longer means what it used to – or at least what I thought it meant – so have deleted a whole paragraph.  

The DW recall reminded me that I have tended to have intense affairs with men I have almost nothing in common with intellectually or spiritually. They seem to be drawn to me and I have enjoyed strong sexual adventures with them. None lasted.

Interestingly, they all talked about wanting to know more spiritually and intellectually, had massive sexual appetites but hated being thought of as sex machines. Meaning they always initiated things and liked it that way.

Of course I have dated some wonderful men who would complement me better in mind and education. Just, for some reason, there has never been a sexual spark. I seem to recall aristo women also have a similar issue & end up breeding with the proverbial gamekeeper.

The question is why so many nice, educated men do seem to have repressed sex drives.

There again, perhaps as one gets older, it would be less of an issue?

Lockdown Food And Drink

Have spent a lot of money on food and drink because of (a)home deliveries and (b)minimum basket costs and (c)ordering stuff whenever I can actually grab a spare slot. Annoying and expensive.

Also on food: I don’t normally buy much if any flour but usually have some if needed. Typically, lockdown has meant the gannets had grabbed everything so when – eventually – I spotted some brown Teff, I bought it. And horrible it is too.

Struggled to find yeast and finally got some months later so hoping using up the rest of the Teff will make it less like eating cardboard.

Also, today, for the first time since lockdown, and despite being designated a priority, I got a Tesco slot. That’s Asda today, Tesco on the 10th, Waitrose on the 18th and Sainsbury’s was last week. But all were booked weeks in advance!

More BC Changes

G & P are moving today. She cannot cope with the stairs, so they are moving to a flat. While I have forgiven P for his appalling behaviour with the Polish woman (contributing to 2 years’ super-stress for me), it is a muted forgiveness as he has never apologised. They will now not be missed by me despite us still exchanging Christmas cards (20 years’ worth).

Oddly, V did not even know they were moving – and they had her spare key as well. Ditto B seems not to have known. Sad really, as for the first decade, at least, we were in each others’ homes and regularly chatted. They, like B, used to invite people in for drinks. No longer any of that, even pre-lockdown.

Food Again

One mug of coffee and no food eaten till way past 3pm – and despite being up way too early and only with less than 4 hours’ sleep.

Teff loaf made … and binned. Had one small taste. Yuk. Earthy, crumbly. And have been sneezing too so something in it (probably the yeast) is setting off histamine levels.

Would have left it for the birds, but it’s pouring with rain and they are incredibly fussy.

Peeking In To SocMed

And blood pressure rising re masks and migrants. One in five Muslims deigns to work, preferring to sponge off taxpayers – yet still Islamic immigration is on the rise, along with birth rates. I will not readily accept living in an Islamic culture not now or ever. But we are definitely in trouble – 1750 mosques in Britain and more appearing.

Meanwhile there are clauses in Govt documents about ‘how face coverings could be encouraged as a social norm’. For that, I am loathe to wear one at all, ever.

Mahabharata

Watched an animated race through the Mahabharata on Amazon Prime – and there’s no way I’d ever remember the massive cast of characters. Perhaps the ones I thought were treated unjustly of which there were a few.

Struggled to see any real spiritual references though and the aliens’ bit may have been lightly touched on in series 5. May have to read it. Or not.

Did find commentary referring to Tamils (as my Ma was) and the Quran to the Kauravas. Not sure I’d fully agree though all spiritual texts are linked in some way.

And early-ish to bed.

Day Two

Slept very well, Deo Gratias! It was pouring with rain when G and P left but the new neighbours in the close have a sunny start to welcome them in.

More Wise El Catching Up

Doing reference sketching or Wise El drawings downstairs, as opposed to my upstairs workroom for the proper drawings and paintings, makes me feel  at least as if there is a difference to work flow. Plus I usually have TV catchup on for background noise rather than my normal MO of silence. Nothing too interesting or I’d never get anything done.

Today’s background noise is Endeavour – and I’d forgotten how many adverts there are from the main channels, having been spoiled by ad-free Netflix and Prime.

Buying Chinese

I did, I do and probably still will. The rash creams work and some of the clothing is interesting and cheap even if you do have to buy several sizes larger thanks to them being so teeny tiny. That said, I think they may be getting the hang of Western women’s bodies as the last item I bought is massive. Like wearing a blanket with sleeves and a zip. Point of this being, I have just ordered a burgundy fleece cardi for more comfy home wear – which, given masks, social distancing, the new Stasi ‘norm’, I will be spending even MORE time in.

Health And Signs Of Ageing

Standing on one leg has always been a challenge for me, so the age reference is relatively meaningless. However, I have been testing my balance (which tends to go as we age) with how I pull on knickers and skinny jeans (which are bad enough to get off let alone put on thanks to the tiny ankle openings).

S told me she won’t buy them as she couldn’t get them off her feet in a changing room and almost burst into tears with the struggle. It’s true. You cannot take them off the normal way of removing trousers or jeans, I have found. It’s easier to roll them off inside out, using your feet for leverage.

When I broke my wrist, the nurse wanted to help me get them off and I said I could manage – and showed her, to much praise. Apparently, she too couldn’t wear them because the removal was such a PITA. Or to be more precise, feet.

Anyway, I’m not at The Crane level but haven’t fallen over yet. I just try to do it mindfully to avoid wobbling.

Meanwhile the neck moles and marks are (I hope) going. I used to have a beautiful neck, so this bothers me a lot. I gather, these too, are all Signs Of Ageing. <gloom>

Age of Aquarius

As an Aquarian, I used to be interested in the ‘Age’ happening. Then got bored with it all. FM, an FBF, posted yesterday that it had now started, so I had a detour from Wise El cartoon drawings. Some links I would normally tweet.

And this one which indicates no-one really knows but still some intriguing stuff.

Loyalty Quandary

Normally, my first reaction would be loyalty to a relative or friend first, but I have recently had letters/emails from ex partners either wanting help or just needing to offload. For each, it is a question of being there for them without cutting off friends or relatives. Sadly, both relatives and long-term friends have often behaved shoddily to me.

End Notes

Feeling somewhat deflated at long-term friendship not being what it seemed. Going to finish watching more Endeavour and shorten sleeves of that blankety zip Chinese cardi mentioned above.

PS: I started my protest at past midnight so plan to upload this post at past midnight.

Image In This Post

Photo is of the faces I am painting. Imaginary ones with some reference photos for expressions or shapes.

Virgo Midheaven

 Emotional Self-Awareness

As per the snip on my ‘DoD?’ page, just a(nother) reminder of what this e-diary is about.

Having a particularly strong personality, I have long known I am an acquired taste. Sure, I am feminine and even sexy when inclined, but the overall view is of someone who a fiancé of mine (Gemini) once described as ‘can be overpowering’. Charming, eh?

Curiously, that has been said of me even when I sit still and say or do nothing at all.

Being kind to myself, I would say that is my inner presence making itself felt. However, I can understand why men, in general, might find that uncomfortable. One FBF in particular springs to mind. A handsome guy but a bit of a cad according to a mutual and not someone I would leap into bed with. Just as well as I am not remotely his type – too ethnic and too old!

I do not appeal to men who are on the vain side with a desire to be centre stage either. Odd, as I genuinely do not like being centre stage. A schoolmate has often told me that I am bad at accepting compliments. Probably true, although I do like them as most normal people would. Just that I am also hyper-critical of myself and tend to see through the prism of those who do not like my looks or personality.

Beats getting hurt, I guess.

Aquarius With Virgo Midheaven

For those who, like me, find esoterica like astrology and numerology useful learning tools, I am Aquarius with Scorpio Rising, Moon in Taurus – and Virgo in my midheaven.

My interest in astrology waned some many years ago, but a preponderance of Virgo males in or around the outer perimeter of my life since 1988, has forced me to ask why. Even more so since that ‘Strange Relationship’ with someone who turned out to be a pervert.

That ‘past tense’ connection has long been disconnected, but someone new seems to have connected. Someone who may also be Virgo and who I have barely communicated with on social media, yet whose intense vibes I have now picked up a good few times. Nice, but I am still wary, even though he comes across as friendly and normal. And, more to the point, is probably not that interested in me apart from being polite.

Definitely not a pervert like T (and more fool me for being so aloof in general that I never bothered checking first with that one).

Lessons To Learn

So, those intense (mostly sexual) vibes must be coming on strong for a reason.

I recognise the vices and virtues within me as well as those attributed to Virgo – so it’s not as if they are balancing me in that respect. Apart from ‘perfectionism’. Being a perfectionist is something, like minimalism, that has its merits but would not suit my imperfect self or busy house and working life.

Having “an eye for detail, and a gift for analysis and criticism” – I have those. Just used in less detailed ways.

(Aside, I can think of three possibly four past Virgos who most certainly did *not* have those gifts. Good in bed, but otherwise missing a few intellectual brain cells. So again, why?)

Groundhog Spiritual Learning

My current mystical view is that life keeps repeating itself.

As in Groundhog Day, I do think – for me at any rate – that there is an element of Groundhog to learning spiritual lessons. And, since S in 1988, Virgos have played a significant part in that learning process.  

Incidentally, S was also a pervert. While T was short and fat and toad featured, S was tall, slim and handsome. But still a pervert. He told me he enjoyed deflowering virgins. Clearly not me in that respect! However, he said he had made a conscious decision to ‘target’ me since I had barely noticed him, was top salesperson, and he saw me as a challenge so wanted to dominate and control me. Almost succeeded too.

There is a mystical reason why I fell in with him (not going to go into all that again but misinterpreting three prophetic dreams for a start). But still not entirely sure what all that says about me – hence the inevitable soul-searching.

Mystical Connections

A mystical connection is like the ‘phone ringing and, instead of it going unanswered or to voicemail, you pick it up.

Since 1988 – and S – the only male vibes I have picked up have been almost exclusively Virgo. Plus a Gemini and an Aquarian. And by vibes I mean extremely strong connections as opposed to the ‘oh so-and-so is thinking about you’ type of EMFs.

It’s quite possible that I never realised what those energies were until S.

Those who knew us both thought we were chalk and cheese. True. But the massive pain inside me had to be explained and so I spent years on huge amounts of research and study, to try to understand.

Mark you, since all the other Virgos also followed the same pattern, I clearly haven’t learned anything!

Despite his pervy nature, as well as him being a physical turn-off IRL (I met him just the once), I would have been friends with T – and the others too. Being friendly with and to all sorts is important to me.

However, they (apart from Ian), wanted to completely cut me from their lives and minds.

They took pride in their ability to focus, and once I was no longer interested in being who they wanted me to be, that focus was on erasing all vibes. Which suited and still suits me, to be honest. My ego is not that pronounced!

Groundhog Spiritual Syndrome

Giving my God the benefit of the doubt, and with Groundhog Syndrome chucked in for good measure, I assume that the sexual vibes were there for the magnetic naughty thrill, but that inevitably mind and head would take over. Meaning the lessons still needed to be taken on board but that it would get progressively less painful.

Or something.

All would have to be soulmates of some kind, I presume. for that level of connection.

Certainly with S, while we were both standing in a car park outside Guildford, he told me he loved me. First time, though not the only time, and I had a distinct out of body experience.

There is a good description of something similar in Bridge Across Forever – which I discovered during my lengthy research and study period. Their love never stood the test of time (either) despite the nirvanic experience. 25 years, I believe, before they parted ways.

If I were to guess, maybe my spiritual Groundhog wants me to relive that love but with the right man and in the right circumstances and make it last. After all, in mystical terms, this is my last life cycle – though of course these cycles can start again – but at the bottom (something I do not want).

Also, for NDE enthusiasts, this life cycle of mine is for the karma of others, not me. The drawback is that one can create ‘instant karma’ – which has happened to me often. The only good thing is it passes without attachment. (Okay that was probably more heavy-duty esoterica than I intended to include!!!)

So Why Learn Via Virgo?

My midheaven?

Minds on similar wavelengths? God, I hope not re the pervy S and T!

Perhaps if even one of them had been generous and kind (which I am) ….?

Generosity and kindness can overcome a lot but, even now, I feel irked at how greedy two of them were. No-one wants to be taken advantage of – least of all from someone you have chosen to spend time with.

Me, being the homeowner in three of those instances, brought out that greed. It was as if they were only interested in owning half of it. In fact, S said as much (long story – maybe another time).

Talking of home, I’d love mine to be less cluttered and tidier but working from here makes that nigh on impossible along with the thousands of books I own. Meaning it’s not spotlessly clean.

I, on the other hand, am. Baths every night. T had a bath once a week apparently ? So much for clean Virgos!

I do believe there is a special someone who may even be Virgo but that past including recent experiences have made me erect walls again. They have to be able to offer something so that it’s not just me doing all the giving. Sex is not an adequate quid pro quo, though for some women it might be. And I am categorically not there to ‘teach them’.

Teaching through my words and images may be part of my spiritual purpose but is an absolute no-no for any romantic relationship. (Yes, you guessed. T said I could teach him.)

Next Steps?

Haven’t a clue.

 

What Is Black? Or White?

This DoD post is just to get something quickly out there – and briefly – as I am still in major Wise El drawing mode and don’t want to lose the flow since it has been on hold for so very long. The images in this post were hurriedly done years (literally) ago and are being re-drawn today. The general theme of them is black and white (dark night of the soul, black thoughts, dark night).

NDE

It’s been a very long time since I truly thought about my NDE. Not just recalling what happened – which clearly, I have done.

It’s the reason for *not* dying that has been buried for a while. So that is the first of the ‘black’ thoughts this morning. (Not covering that here though.)

The second refers back to something I’ve written about in Wise El on God and Wise El’s Big Thoughts.

(Ebooks available via Amazon and print books taking forever to create!)

That second is that ‘black’ is not a negative association, metaphysically. It is potentiality. Raw, unfocused, half the time – but potential, powerful, energy.

It, in my version of spiritual metaphysics, is something hidden, something not yet fully formed, something needing light. (Yes, I aware that will be taken the wrong way by those so inclined.)

Black Potentiality

A lot of the current divisions are, from a dark-skinned observer, about inferiority.

Group think – through BLM – gives perceived strength in numbers. A mistake in my mystical opinion as individuals can be swept along by the loudest, not necessarily right, voices.

Clearly that is now changing as many excellent black men and women are speaking out and following through with decisive actions.

Grouping by skin colour is something I have always disliked since ‘black’ is not a race per se. Being dark-skinned, some semi-educateds have assumed – and even told me – I was African or West Indian (ie black).

I am NOT. My mother was Tamil and my father from Mangalore. Both South Indian. And yes, it does annoy – for mixed reasons.

Africans and Asians never get my race wrong. Or haven’t to date. I guess there is always a first time. Will keep you (the reader) posted.

Equally, some practically ‘white’ people have self-designated or been designated ‘black’ because of mixed parentage or ancestry. Not a term I like or enjoy using but I have done, because it is expected.

There is more – pro and con – but the words and ideas are jumbled in my head at the moment.

What Then Is White?

White in human terms is simply reduced need for melanin protection in less sunny countries. In mystical terms, let there be light. But there is also a cultural reference.

I read a post on Facebook where Jews were being referred to as ‘white’. I have been called ‘Karen’ a few times – an insult (doled out by some young black women) meaning middle-class white. Or something like that, but ‘white’ and ‘female’ being the key elements.

To be ‘white’ is a cultural mindset – which I can agree with. I prefer to call it English or British but it seems ‘white’ is now catching on as the go-to term.

Do I think whites are superior?

Categorically not.

Just different. Different spiritual purpose – and at heart that is all I ever base my posts and comments on.

 More too on this to come!

And Brown Is Earth

Figures really. For me, spiritually – not generally. On Earth as it is in Heaven. Or something. (Still pondering this.)

Trivial – Or Possibly Not – Aside

I’ve been on a lot of dates in my life, but I’ve never been asked on a date by a black man – or an Indian one, come to think of it. There was a date with Parvez, an exceptionally handsome Pakistani.

There have been some marriage proposals from a few via a dating site. (Not going to use any of those again!) They didn’t even bother to get to know me, just first contact was about marriage.

In the post which prompted this, the writer said (about Jews)  “you can be completely integrated and settled, but that the tide can turn in an instant. You are still a guest.”

I have never felt unwelcome or a guest in the UK – ever. However, I have, on a few occasions, felt different. But then I am and always have been – even with family and friends. 

Currently Re-Drawing All These