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I say sorry when I get justifiably angry. I even say sorry when it’s not my fault. I say sorry if I haven’t heard something clearly and sorry when I bump into someone – or vice versa. Yet many people do not appear to have the word in their mental vocab at all.

Curiously, not only do they fail to acknowledge their root fault in creating dissention but a good many of those latter usually go on to continue commiting more of the same or fresh and inventive ones. It’s like a primary particle of self-awareness is missing from their genetic makeup.

Like the gardening contractor who failed to show up for a booked appointment and who then swore violently and loudly at me in the middle of the road. When he was subsequently employed by my neighbour, I naturally did not want him on my property, especially since he used it for his tools and other rubbish without having the courtesy to ask my permission.

However, despite these two strikes, I allowed him to stand on my path to maintain the neighbour’s garden at her request – only to find later he had dug up an edible plant (on her instructions) which I was purposely growing.

To this day, neither has apologised.

In case the neighbour had not passed on my request/demand that they do not trespass or cause further criminal damage on my property ever again, I sent him a polite private Facebook message. No response. I sent a polite email via his website. No response.

So I posted a message on his Facebook wall copying it on mine – in public – so that he and she were now aware that to remove any of my property is criminal damage and I will sue.

Within minutes, and early in the morning (when I was still in my nightie), he came by, shouting and banging on my front door. He accused me of being a coward for not opening it. When I verified that he would not attack me, I opened the door (still in a tiny nightie).

He continued shouting at me: why tell him when I should be telling her, that he too saw a solicitor, that I should have mentioned the holly (strike 3, btw) when he lopped it off. (They are allowed to cut off anything overhanging but not anything on MY side!) and so on and so forth.

But was an apology forthcoming? Nope. It was like trying to talk to a rabid dog so I just called out “Peace and Love to you too” as he stormed off still yelling ‘cease and desist’.

(BTW, isn’t that what *I* should be yelling at *him* since it is MY property and I am trying to protect it???)

As for the neighbour, still no apologies on that front either, just yet another reference to a perfectly polite email instancing her earlier example of highhanded behaviour as my ‘diatribe’.

[This is my email so make up your own minds:

“Since your magnolia and other bushes continue to STILL encroach on my land, I now withdraw my permission for him or you to use my land to maintain your garden in any way. Please prune them from your side of the garden or move them if it ceases to be convenient.
Please note that I shall prune anything that affects me or my visitors from entering freely from your plants ie the magnolia.
You talk about good neighbourliness, xxx, but the instances of your highhandedness still continue. Remember your workmen using my water without permission? And marking your front garden boundary taking over my land?There are others too so digging up my plants without my express permission is appalling neighbourly conduct.
As mentioned in the previous email, if you carry out your threat to use weedkiller on any of my plants ever again – including those you happen to think are weeds – then I will sue you for damage.
So please tell your gardener, or any of your workmen, that my garden is private property and that they must maintain your garden from your side. That includes window cleaners as well.
I have tried to be a good neighbour but I have now had enough of being hectored and lectured and now, criminal damage on top.“

As for defamation, it can only be such if what I say is untrue. Yet everything I wrote is actually true. Instead of apologising for not turning up the wretched creature (IMHO) swore so loudly at me for daring to take him to task for letting me down. It really should be me suing him on multiple levels!!!

“Message to XXX:
Since you have not responded to my private message, I repeat that digging up any plants in my border is a criminal offence. Using my garden to keep your tools on and/or to maintain xxx’s garden (without my permission) is trespass.
And, while neighbours do indeed have the right to lop off any OVERHANGING branches, and return them,, they do NOT have the right to lop off the entire top which is clearly in someone else’s garden – as was the case with my holly tree which you hacked off recently.
If you want an example, it would be like me lopping off the entire top of xxx’s magnolia to remove the branches that actually are clearly overhanging my garden. Overkill, wouldn’t you agree? And criminal damage.
Please note your lack of professionalism extends back a couple of years when you agreed to maintain my garden yet did not show up.
When I next saw you and asked why you had neither bothered to turn up nor to inform me, you started effing and blinding out loud in the middle of the road.
During all the subsequent time you have never apologised in any shape or form though the original issue started with your lack of professionalism in handling work as well as swearing by way of argument.
So, to repeat, removing or pruning any of my plants as you have now done twice is criminal damage and I can and will sue if there is a third occurrence. xxx has already been informed.”

And still no apologies.

In their minds, I am at fault for taking them to task at my plants being dug out or killed off with weedkiller. In fact, re the latest incident with the holly, X emailed that “now you will find that the rest should bush out into a better holly bush”. The cheek is utterly astounding!

And absolutely not a hint of regret for upsetting me or creating neighbourly discord. Repetitively. One part of me is still fuming while The inner Observer finds it most curious in the human condition.

This has been a strange week of horridness mixed with extreme kindness. One in particular has let me down very badly re a paid commission. Apparently, despite saying there was no rush, sending my bank details re payment is ‘greed’. Yet I only did so because I was asked. I prefer PayPal as it is usually easier for both sides.

Again, from their emails, somehow it is my fault. Maybe it is – though I’m buggered if I can work out how.

Showing solicitousness with the ‘no rush, when you’re up to it’ caveats is surely not forcing anything on anyone, is it? What else am I supposed to do?

And there is not a greedy bone in my body. The NandDs and I have been distanced in many ways since our parents died but not one of them would ever say I showed any ‘greed’. No-one who actually knows me would ever say I showed any ‘greed’. If anything I am always giving – of time, of things, of knowledge.

But the week did end well with a small win on the Premium Bonds, another promised art sale, another subscriber to my Udemy course, and, best of all, peace and quiet right now.

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